On Female Sexuality
An incident occurred, almost a month ago as of writing this post, that had everything to do with being violated sexually and scarred emotionally. An incident that had nothing to do with me but couldn't have been left behind by me either.
I for my part, waited, purposely and patiently, for the mourning and public hype to die down to say what I had to say; knowing what I am about to offer will be relevant for the rest of existence of the human civilisation and doesn't need an appropriate time of relevancy to be taken seriously and sincerely.
Out of all emotions and reactions that flowed out of me, one of them was quite cynical. What came out in response to the self-immolation of one of the sufferers was, "Well! Wasn't that very unnecessary?" Please pardon me for my moment of humanness for if you knew what I know; something I intend to send your way through this post; you might have probably said the same.
Growing up in the same culture as you, I am quite aware of why anyone would take the drastic step to end one's life. Shame around sexuality is normalised and therefore, self-destruction is a seemingly normal response to incidents exaggerated to be a tragedy. But here is another queer thought for you: "Why are these incidents a catastrophe?" To make it easier, let's take up an example.
Close your eyes and conjure up any individual. Imagine they have a lot of money and are physically powerful. They go around the world, find one beautiful project and community and decide to usurp it and take it under their wing. The usurper is considered on the higher power dynamic because they brought it within themselves, or so is the thought behind this power dynamic. But is it necessarily true?
The answer to the question exists in my mind and needs to be said. Unfortunately, even with the courage I managed to gather, the answer, in its simple delivery, comes across as far too strong to be a source of comfort. Given the fragility that surrounds this topic and not wanting to do more damage, alternatives and metaphors were picked. But they didn't serve my purpose well as they happened to be far too cryptic for my liking. I am stating this plainly with the hope that some intelligent individuals will grasp my actual intent and will find better ways to propagate it.
(Here is some of what I was thinking: It is common to understand that in a power dynamic of any kind, there is someone on the higher level and the other on the lower. What is the criterion for being on a higher level? If it is the person who allegedly controls the other then why is it conveniently reversed in a sexual dynamic?)
I do not strongly believe in regressive thoughts like that of power dynamics, but given you and others believe in some of the above and thus insist on self-adulation; this was an attempt to crush it.
"No other person believes in this"
You are right. Alas, I do not stand a chance of changing the minds of the masses. The collective, especially the ones that empathise with you, are going to do so because they believe in the current idea of the sexual power dynamic, the one I am trying to challenge and break down. The argument I am trying to put forth isn't being put forth to trash their sympathies and good intentions behind their activist voice and actions. It is to let you know that the power always belonged to you. It never left you.
I am not heartless enough to assume that my logic alone will help you get over your trauma completely and this is why there was a 'patient wait' from my end. I say all this because I am optimistic enough to hope that someday, in future, you'll grasp what I really meant to say beneath all these words and take the comfort I meant to send your way.
Thank you for giving me a chance.
Author's note:- Sensitive topic. This was hard to write. I hope, I still kind of, sort of made sense and didn't come across as completely insensitive and dismissive.
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